You know... lumping them in together is a bad sign.

The Plot: Oh, god, why do I bother anymore? Xena, princess of the universe, does and fixes everything. What-fucking-ever.

The Characters: About the only new character I liked was Virgil, Joxer's son. Eve, Xena's daughter, can go right to hell. RIGHT TO HELL. But nooo... she's infected with the "message of Eli" and... oh, good fucking christ. *bangs head against desk* Seriously, Virgil's pretty awesome. He's hot, he's a warrior poet, and he's Joxer's and Meg's progeny (which... Meg was sterile, so I'm wondering how in the fuck that happened), which marks him a-OK in my book. We're not even going to go over Livia/Eve. Blargh.

The Bad: Almost all of it, but to let you know exactly HOW bad... Xena and Gabrielle wake up in the afterlife. Gabrielle gets dragged down by demons, while Xena gets saved by angels. She then BECOMES AN ANGEL to go down to hell to fight for Gabrielle, who's turning into a demon... and in the process, she runs into Callisto, who's a demon, and saves Callisto as Gabrielle is saved by other angels, turning into a demon in the process, and then starts waging war on Heaven. In the meantime, Gabrielle becomes an angel, and fights Xena, and then both are resurrected by Eli.

FUCKING RIDICULOUS.

It only gets worse from there. There's a couple of good episodes (Married with Fishsticks springs to mind), but overall, these are just... oh my fucking god awful. I guess I'm just getting upset that no matter what, Xena's behind it all, and she can do EVERYTHING. It's pissing me off... because she's such an attention whore. She's the one who gets Caesar killed, she's the one who tempts Lucifer into falling, she gives birth through immaculate conception to Eve, who turns out to become Livia of Rome as Xena and Gabrielle go into hibernation for 25 years, and then Livia turns into Eve, who's the messenger of peace (basically John the Baptist? I'm not sure.) for Eli... and it's just awful. I'm so disappointed. And they kill Joxer! ARRGH! At least he died bravely, and had a full life, even if he spent it obsessed with Xena and Gabby.

The costumes get more and more ridiculous too, like they topped out in coolness in season four. One thing I did like is that they broke the 4th wall many times with a wink and a nudge to people, so they weren't taking it seriously, but the campiness ... is there such a thing as too much?

Rating: Only if nothing else is on

On with the Xena. And wow... it's... yeah. And I"m watching season 5 now, and this isn't even the worst to come, so I've heard.

The Plot: Again with the travels and being a hero. This season seemed to center on two things: Xena's hate of Cesaer and Gabrielle trying to find out what her place is in the world.

The Characters: Ok, ok. Yes, it's all the same and so on as the previous reviews, but this time Gabrielle gets annoying in particular: her path leads to pacfism. Yeah, say it with me: an action show has one of the main characters turn into a pacifist. Doesn't make a lot of sense, does it?

So yeah, the other big arc thing is Xena's obsession with Cesaer and taking him down. Now, of course, she got it on with him in days gone by and he betrayed her. Not only that, but history left Xena out entirely when Rome was in civil war, and how she helped to destroy Pompeii (the senator, not the general). Oh, and Brutus betraying Cesaer? That was Xena's doing too, through manipulation. Yeah... I can forgive a lot, especially in a fun show, but this was pretty over the top.

Joxer's still awesome, and it took me forever to realize that the guy who played Cesear also played Cupid. There were a couple new characters whom I really liked. One was Najira, who was a crusader zealot carrying on the Jihad for "the Light". Pretty transparent, but is it so wrong that I admired the character's proactivity? After all, I'm pro death penalty. Heh. The second was Eli, who's probably the karmic opposite of her, starting out as a street magician, then turning into the series' Christ figure. He's also who taught Gabrielle pacifism, which didn't suit her at all. Fits him well though. And he's hot. That's always a plus.

The Costumes: You know, in the interviews, they mention that the costume designer went on to work on Lord of the Rings, and I can believe it. As time went on, the costumes got better and better. Hell, watching the fifth series now, I'm totally envious of Hera's bustier. It's so gorgeous...all of the costumes are just beautiful, and I can see how they were hired for such a big budget movie. They did a fantastic job. Not only that, but the special effects got a lot better too, as time went on. It's... just sad that the plots couldn't have improved with them.

Rating: Watchable

Yeap, finished season three of Xena.

The Plot: Well, this time around, it seems there's actually a "seasonal theme" going on here, which was "How much can Xena's and Gabrielle's relationship take before it splinters apart?" In other words, the writers and producers tried to split the two up, and did a pretty bang up job of it, until they reconcile, of course.

The Characters: In this season, Gabrielle really goes through some changes. Not only does she lose her "blood innocence" by murdering someone (it was in order to save someone who turned out to be a bad guy anyway) , but she also gets raped by "The One God" Dahok, who is an evil god, of course, and bears the antichrist, for lack of a better term, whom she names Hope... because she hopes the child is good. Yeah... lots of changes, and honestly, that whole story arc about the evil god impregnating her I thought was utterly ridiculous. Now, sadly, other than Gabrielle's betrayal of Xena because of jealousy, this was about the only thing that could seperate them, by Xena believing Hope to be evil, and Gabrielle believing Hope to be good, or at least wanting her to be good. So, they end up splitting up and trying to kill each other after Hope kills Xena's son Solyn.

They are reconciled in a musical. Yes, a musical. And it was awesome. With episodes like that which stem directly from the Hope-Dahok plot, it's really easy to forget how ridiculous the whole plotline there was.

The Peak?: I still think season 2 was the peak of Xena, but there were some fantastic episodes in season three as well. The Bitter Suite, to name one (that being the musical), as well as Been There, Done That. I think that some of the plots were pretty dumb, and I hated at least one Joxer episode, which is a first for me. Fins, Femmes, and Gems was dumb. However, every season has its ups and downs, and every great episode is countered with one that isnt' so great. This season still has a lot to offer for Xena fans, so it's more of the same we all love.

Rating: Rewatchable

Alright, almost getting caught up here. Only the two seasons of Popular after this, and then I should be back up to speed. So, now, we have Xena, season two.

The Plot: Pretty much as before, it chronicles the journies of Xena on her road to redemption, trying to make up for being such a bad ass earlier in life and killing lots of people.

The Characters: Again, Xena and Gabrielle, but both have gone through a lot of changes. I don't have much to say on them other than as the series matures (and it really does this season, although don't worry, it's still wonderfully cheesy at times :) ), so do the characters. The plots revolve around their friendship, and Xena dealing with her past (nur), but this season also opens up the reoccurring character ride with Joxer and Callisto making multiple appearances, as well as Ares (he was only in one ep. of season one) and Salmonius (although sadly he's only got one appearance this season, but it's awesome. I love Robert Trebor). So, other than the "main two", we have Joxer and Callisto.

Callisto, well, she was set up to be Xena's polar opposite, I think. She was driven all crazy because the village she was in was raided by Xena. A fire broke out and that killed Callisto's mother and sister. This drove Callisto crazy with revenge. She's played very well by Hudson Leick, who does a great job of even playing Xena! There was a body swap episode, of course, after Callisto dies... it's a long story, heh, but one of my favorite eps. of the season. Anyway, Callisto is just as kick ass as Xena, but without any morals to restrict her. One of my favorite characters overall.

However, my absolutely favorite character in Xena is Joxer, played by Ted Raimi (haha, no nepotism at all in this. Side note: I remember people who didn't like Joxer complaining about Ted in the series saying, "Oh, his brother is the exec. producer, I wonder how he got the job", which I don't think was the case at all. From what I gathered, it was more like, "We need someone to play this guy, who do we have?! Quick!"). Joxer was introduced in season one (in the same ep. as Callisto, actually), but he really wasn't a returning character until season two, when it seemed like he was all over the place. He's the everyman of the series, IMO, as in, yeah, we all want to be bad asses like Callisto and Xena and Hercules, but without training, we're definitely more like Joxer. Well, we may not be bumbling idiots, but the point is that he's sort of a stand in for the audience. The other thing is how he's played. Yes, he's deluded himself into thinking he's a warrior, but he knows he's deluded himself, and towards the end, he's just happy to help out and do what good he can to the best of his ability.

And the actor is great. The very last scene of the very last episode of season two makes me cry like a baby every time I see it, and that's because of Ted's acting.

The Cheese Factor: This series is definitely NOT for someone who Takes Their Television Very Seriously. I mean, come on... Callisto in this season alone dies, takes over Xena's body, dies (again, I think), becomes immortal (although that was offscreen in Hercules), gets trapped, gets out, becomes a god, gets trapped again... It's a drama filled bloody mess, but hey, isn't that why we watch television? To be entertained? Who wants to watch TV about some bloody boring hospital where all the doctors and nurses have sex with each other inbetween critical operations on patients? Ok, well, a lot of you, but I'm not one of them. I like drama, and I don't mind drama based on Real Life things like hospitals and lawyer firms and schools, but I think it's just so much better when it's over the top and the series knows it's over the top. The people who made this show give us, the audience, a wink now and again, knowing how cheesy it is, and how unrealistic, but to me, that's what makes it fun.

The End Result: Of the seasons of Xena, I think season two is the pinnacle. I've seen season three (and parts of four) and read about five and six, and I think if you HAVE to get one season to watch, this is the one to do it. It's  filled with action and drama, has great characters, good special effects (for the time anyway), and ... well, just fun to watch. This was the season of Xena that got me hooked to this show (and Hercules) in the first place, and this is the one I'd recommend to anyone else looking for a "rollicking good time".

Rating: Must Own

Alright, I'm falling a bit behind here in my reviews, even though I'm reviewing whole seasons at a time. Just been super busy at work, and doing this suddenly seemed like work. However, I do enjoy talking about my favorite shows (or at least shows I've watched and books I've read, good or not), so I'm going to try and catch up. From what I remember, I have four seasons to go through, two of Xena, and two of Popular. I'm starting with Xena, as I think I'll yak too long about Popular, since I loved it.

The Plot: Xena is a warlord who has reformed, and now she goes around the Grecian countryside doing good deeds with her sidekick Gabriella. The theme is all about redemption and kicking ass.

The Characters: In the first season, there's really only the two to speak of, which are Xena and Gabrielle. I think Hercules, Joxer, Callisto, Salmonius, Ares and others who are in the series made their first appearances and then that was it. So, I can't really comment on them. Xena, however, is well, the heroine. You know, title character so you're going to see a lot of her. She used to be eval, but because she fell in love with Hercules, in Hercules the Legendary Journies (season 1) and realized that killing people was bad, so she set out to redeem herself. Now, the whole thing is that no matter how powerful or cheesy the character is, can the actress pull it off? I think Lucy Lawless (which is a fantabulous name) really does a great job of pulling off the search for redemption, and the guilt that's welled up inside of Xena. She's a really complex character.

Gabrielle... not so much. Otherwise known as the "Irritating blonde" of the show, she fills a niche. She's basically Xena's conscience, maybe a return to innocence? Something like that. She's ... well, I always did find her slightly annoying, but not so much that it detracted from the show. The two put together worked really well, and she evolved into just more than a sidekick over time.

The Fights: Taking a page from the Hong Kong school of fighting, the fighting in this series is over-the-top and awesome in its campiness. It doesn't try to take itself any more serious than it is, which is sometimes not very. Their stunt coordinator had to work overtime, I think, hehe, but I loved it. It was... well, I'm even too young to remember this, but back in the day, they had the serials at the movies, always with a cliffhanger ending, and each week you'd go back to see what happened to the hero, or how did he get out of that certain-death situation. That's what this show is: a serial in the truest sense. It's a throwback to the goodness of just turning your brain off and trying to explain everything to just enjoying what's presented to you and no more. The fights are a perfect example of that. Of course Xena's going to win, but it's how she wins that makes it so much fun.

I really enjoyed Xena much more than Hercules. I think maybe because the title character is female, and Herc just seemed too... I don't know, good. Not real enough. Or just unapproachable to me, a female viewer (though I enjoyed the male beefcake). Xena's just a kick ass woman warrior, and it's awesome to see a woman take charge for once.

Rating: Rewatchable

Last season television had a lot of "fish out of water" series. This, along with Chuck, were the two that I liked and watched on a regular basis. However, I didn't think it had the greatest numbers in television as the show is slighlty weird and thought there would only be one season. To my delight, they renewed it for this year. :) So, without further ado, I give you Reaper.

The Plot:  Sam's parents sold his soul to the Devil, and now the Devil wants this Work Bench loser employee to become Hell's bounty hunter, bringing damned souls which escaped back to hell.

The Characters: Well, first there's Sam, who's the Devil's bounty hunter. He's slightly whiny, but he has a reason to be, pretty cute, and well, he's a bounty hunter for Hell. It's kind of funny watching him react to the Devil and also trying to keep his real life going, but he's pretty vanilla when it comes to leading men. There's really nothing about him that sets him apart.

Sam's backed up by Sock and Ben. Sock is played by Tyler Labine, and for some reason I think he's just adorable. Also, Sock is a total jerk, yet a loyal friend to Sam. I think everyone has a friend like Sock who just plain old refuses to grow up. He's also got a lot of the best lines in the show. Ben's a solid, if slighlty weird, friend to Sam, and other than him being a sweetheart, there's nothing much more to say.

The one who steals the show, though, is the Devil. Oh, he's just brilliant! The lines, and the way Ray Wise delivers them, is just priceles. I looked forward to every show just to see the Devil. Plus, he looks awesome in his suit and the blue tie really brings out the blue in his eyes.

The Dead Rising from their Graves: Of course, the whole point of the show is how Sam collects the escaped souls from Hell and brings them back. That's fine for a premise, just like Buffy was about a girl who killed vampires, but at the same time the show needs a little something more. I thought it really picked up when they introduced the gay demons next door to Sam & co., who wanted to overthrow Satan by being nice to people. A coup by being nice and good. It really added to the mythology of the show and helped it to grow into its own, I thought. Otherwise, it was just Sam worrying about his girl Andi, and then him and Sock and Ben chasing after the escaped souls.

And why do escaped souls get powers when they escape from hell anyway?

Rating: Watchable

Alright, well, yeah, I'm a bit behind in my reviews, not that anyone reads this anyway. It's more a way for me to remember, 'Did I like that?' but then again, if I liked it, I probably wouldn't forget it. At least not until my old age and I'm senile.

Ok, yeah, anyway. I actually have two others to review "first" as I watched them first, but this is what's on my mind, so I'm talking about Hercules, dammit.

The Plot: Ok, it's tricky I suppose. The boxed set of season 1 actually has four or fives two hour movies in it, as well as what is considered "Season 1" of the show. The movies all have different plots, and each episode of the series has a different plot as well. However, all have the same theme: Hera bad! Hercules good!

The Characters: Well, nur, first there's Hercules, who's so good he's practically shitting out rays of light. Seriously, he should have a halo over his head he's so perfect and Christlike. What actually amused me about the first movie, Hercules and the Amazon Women (yes, that's the title), is that Hercules was a sexist. I lol'd over that for nearly the whole movie, and then it abruptly disappeared. I was disappointed that a single movie was enough to sway his opinion because it would have been very hysterical to watch a sexist Hercules throughout the whole series, especially after he encounters Xena. He's pretty standard as a hero, and he could have gone down the dark path when Hera blew up his wife and children. Yes, she sent a fireball out of the heavens and blew up his family. That's a helluva way to lose your family. Also, why didn't Hera figure that out when he first got married? Oh... whatever. Anyway, he was all dark and grr then, going to destroy Hera's temples. But then he realized it was wrong, and he realized that within the span of an hour. Lame.

Next there's Iolaus, and I like him a lot more. I remember an episode from later in the series where Iolaus is going off on all his martial arts training, and hunter training and how awesome he is and I remembered thinking that he'd have to be god damn awesome indeed to be Hercules sidekick who didn't even rate a name in the credits in the beginning of the series. Michael Hurst had to negotiate that in his contract evidently. Sad.

There's a smattering of returning characters, but mostly there are returning actors including Lucy Lawless who played at least four different parts throughout the movies and the series until she hit the motherload of Xena (and consequently got her own series (but that was probably because she was dating Robert Tapert, the executive producer, and eventually married him). Also, probably one of my favorite characters of the series Salmonius made a few appearances too, but he originally played an escaped slave who still thought he was a slave. Robert Trebor, the guy who played Salmonius, was the highlight of the show for me, seriously. He's hilarious, and it's well worth watching just for him.

The Not So Legendary: Hercules, the Legendary Journeys, sort of paraphrases some of Hercules' tasks and legends, but mostly they make their own shit up with a smattering of Greek legends. Now, there's nothing wrong with this, but the first season was so atrociously bad it was funny. They were getting it more together towards the end with cohesive and reoccuring plots and characters, but the movies were just plain old bad. Horrible, even.

The Cheesecake Factor: The reason why I think they got renewed was the cheesecake factor for both men and women. All the women tended to be scantily dressed (Atalanta was a great example of this: 75% of her buttcheeks were showing through her costume, and her breasts looked like they were going to show nip at any moment) with push up bras to make some truly legendary cleavage. Also, the producers took every chance they could, even when it didn't make sense, to get Kevin Sorbo out of his shirt and show off that hot manly chest. It... was pretty hot, but honestly, all it did was distract from his terrible acting. At least most of the fight scenes were ok.

Rating: Only if there's nothing else on

Alright, this is going to be hard to review a show that's halfway through its run, starting in the middle... and affected by the Writer's Strike of 2007-2008... but I'll have to give it a shot since I'm reviewing stuff that I've gone through and watched and this was the next thing I completed. Yeah, run on sentences ftw. Woo. So, here's Lost.

The Plot: The freighter people have been contacted and Jack is trying to get everyone off the Island. Locke and others want to stay.

The Characters: Well, one of the best thing about Lost is the characters. Each episode consists of a segment on the Island, and flashbacks to explain the characters' motives. This season they did flash forwards instead, showing each of the "Oceanic Six" as they were adjusting to life off the Island, sometime in the future (but no more than 2 or 3 years, as that's about how old Aaron was in Kate's flash forward). Each episode tries to be self contained, but also tries to advance the overall plot. The writers of Lost do a great job of that I think, keeping each episode centered on one character to advance that character's story and give a fuller sense of what that character is about. And there are so many good characters on this show. Locke is probably my favorite, the man who was crippled but now can walk on the Island, who becomes the new leader of the Others. Ben, the former leader of the Others, and a ruthless bastard who cares deeply about his daughter and will do anything to keep her safe. Ah.. but anyone who's watched the first three seasons of Lost will know about those characters. What about the new ones?

This season introduces four new characters, Miles, Daniel, Charlotte, and Frank. Frank's the pilot and kinda dull, and evidently an alcoholic but we never really see that. He's a good guy for the most part, even though he's one of the Freighter Folk, and thus, according to Ben, going to kill everyone on the Island. Charlotte was a bitch, but she's somehow connected to the Island, and recognizes the Dharma symbol, so her story might be interesting next season, but this season, she was just... well, a bitch, and the object of Daniel's affections. Now, Daniel I thought was interesting, He's a physicist who's experimenting in consciousness time travel. He knows there's weird properties to the Island and he's here to investigate them... he's also nervous and soft spoken, and sort of cliched, but interesting nevertheless. Miles is the last of the new characters, and he's a psychic who can hear or see spirits. Hear, definitely, not sure on the see part. Anyway, he's a total ass, but I love it. He makes an interesting add to the show, adding into the "woo woo factor" with his ghostbusting, but at least it's done in a very believeable way. I mean, they have a black smoke monster which kills people, so something relatively subtle is good.

The new characters are needed as people die or get off the Island, and I think they brought in a good balance, and started setting up next season already. There are some interesting arcs, but the whole thing... well....

The Writer's Strike: With the writer's strike, many seasons got truncated or cut completely in its wake. Lost is no exception. Without a full season to really explore what was going on this season, it still seems rushed. I read somewhere that they were originally scheduled for 14 episodes, but they insisted on at least 15 to cover all their material that they needed to. That was good. The other thing that suffered in the strike was the episodes weren't as mysterious as they were before, presenting a mystery in episode one, and solving it in episode ten or something. It was just way more self-contained than the other seasons, not really... branching out? I don't know if that makes sense, but it seemed to suffer on the storytelling side.

It was still excellent however. Though if you're not a fan or haven't watched the other three seasons, I can't really recommend it til you do.

Rating: Rewatchable

Well, as stated in the earlier 24 review, I popped this DVD series in next.

The Plot: Terrorists are trying to blow up Los Angeles with a nuclear bomb and Jack Bauer has to stop them!

The Characters: Jack's back, and he's mostly just as kick ass as he was in the first season, although whinier since it's been over a year and a half and he's still crying about his wife. I suppose I can understand that, especially since he puts it all away in a second and starts with the ass kicking right in the first episode, if I'm not mistaken. Kim's just as annoying as ever, though she does run into Kevin Dillon in this series, who plays Drama in Entourage. Imagining him as Drama in this series gave me more than a few laughs, as Drama totally would have done what his character in 24 did, except he would have tried harder to get some.

David is president, yay! And he makes a kick ass president. He has a secretary or personal assistant named Lynne who is very... STRONG. She's a STRONG woman role model. Bleh. Sherry's back though, and Sherry brings back another round of awesome manipulation and bitchery. The series is worth watching just for that.

The Cliche: Well, it was different than inthe first series, but they did fall into the action movie cliche of the dashing hero and everyone on earth trying to stop him or not believing him. It's like, no matter what he does, it's just never enough for some people! I don't get it: it's a TV series and he's the star, so you should believe him. Nur. However, I think they were trying for realism, and they did a pretty good job. It's just sad that real life is filled with cliches. Which, uh, I suppose is a cliche... I don't know.

Anyway, "Second Wave" is a Muslim terrorist group which got ahold of a nuclear bomb and are trying to blow up America to send a message. Like we havent' seen that before. There was the Strong Male Lead and the Strong Female Love Interest and other such things, but you know the reason why we don't mind the cliches? They get told in interesting ways. Who was it that said there's only like three real stories, six if you count the opposites? Heinlein? I think so. It's true though, and the fact of the matter is that while this might be cliched television, it's cliched television at its best.

What else do I have to say? It's not as engrossing as the first season, but it was still pretty damn exciting, even after a rewatch.

Rating: Rewatchable

An older book, but a good one. It's part of a stack I'm working on at home so I can finally either throw them away or put them on the shelves instead of cluttering up my kitchen. Without further ado, I give you Bethany's Sin by Robert McCammon.

The Plot: A family moves to a new town that turns out to be eeeeeval.

The Characters: The only one who you'll really be in tune with will be the husband, Evan. Evan's a Vietnam vet and is precognitive with his funky dreams. There was some sort of intro to him being in Viet Nam that seemed pretty unnecessary to me other than getting me into this character, but when I got into the scene, it was over. Evan is sure that something is wrong in Bethany's Sin because he's having bad dreams about it, warning dreams. He proceeds to try and investigate, which really didn't amount to a whole lot, and eventually he figures out the mayor of the city, Dr. Drago, is evil. But it's not just her, it's all the womenz.

The Subtext: Boy, a feminist could go off on this story. It's not women who are evil, but the men who destroyed an Amazon city in ancient Greece (or actually Turkey). The remains of this town was found in the 60's by Dr. Drago, and she brought them to Bethany's Sin. Ever since then, the women have been possessed slowly by Amazon warriors. Now, this isn't so bad, except they're all bent on revenge and the subjugation of men. However, if the men hadn't subjugated women in the first place... it's all sexism here. I don't know if the author is saying evil spirits are evil, or women are evil and should "know their place". Actually, I really like most of McCammon's books, so I'm surprised this one is so blatant in the sexism and the story, but then again, the ancients were bloodthirsty fucks. It's not like the men of that era were any better. Still, anyone reading this book would take the assumption that the author hates women. I don't think that's true. I just think he has a hard time writing women believeably, and that this particular plot calls for the eval women. Via eval spirits. Who rape men and cut limbs off of them... yeah, it's really hard to ignore the subtext, whether it was intended or not.

Still, the book is very readable, with an engaging and interesting lead character, a decent plot which is relatively unique in the ancient spirits come back to life vein,

Rating: Rereadable